On the Path to Parenthood

I finally feel like we're on the right path.

On the 13th, my husband and I took a trip to Chicago to spend time with his family for an early Christmas celebration. The trip was a welcomed vacation from the daily stress of trying to conceive. By the time we left for Chicago, I had spent weeks, maybe months, thinking about conceiving a child non-stop. It had been on my mind for the past couple of years, but it had gotten to a point where it consumed my every thought. From listening to podcasts, to reading posts in online support groups, reading articles online, watching videos on YouTube posted by couples who documented their infertility journey, watching any documentary I could find about infertility...it was NON.STOP. I needed to get away, get out of my normal everyday routine, and just allow myself to take a break. I needed to hit the "Reset" button in my brain. I was able to feel a sense of peace in knowing that the day after we were set to arrive home from Chicago, I had an appointment scheduled with my OBGYN to discuss what my next steps should be. I felt comfort in knowing that soon I might finally have some answers and might finally be able to talk to someone who could point me in the right direction.

While we were in Chicago, we stayed with my sister-in-law, her husband and their twin boys. The twins were conceived via IVF. My sister-in-law and her husband had gone through their own struggles with infertility for years before they were finally blessed with the twins. I had already known about how the twins were conceived, but I had never talked to my sister-in-law about the struggles they faced when trying to start a family. One night, after the twins and my husband's parents went to bed, my husband and I had a long conversation with his sister and her husband. My husband at one point mentioned that we were trying to start a family and it opened up the door for us to bring up the topic of infertility. My sister-in-law and her husband shared with us about their struggles and all that they did to try to get pregnant. I cannot even begin to describe how much comfort I felt being able to look another couple in the eye and hear them talk about feeling the same feelings that I have been feeling for the past couple of years. At the end of the conversation, they offered their support and asked us to reach out to them if we ever wanted to talk. I think I slept better that night than I had in months.

We arrived home on the 17th, jet-lagged and ready to get back to our normal routine. Before I went to bed that night, I gathered up all of the copies of test results for my husband and myself and put them into a manila envelope. I couldn't wait to meet with my doctor and get the ball rolling. My husband and I got into bed, kissed goodnight, turned off the lights, and seconds later he was sound asleep and snoring. As tired as I was from a full day of traveling, I stayed awake for hours thinking about my appointment. What questions should I ask? What if my OBGYN tells me the same thing that the fertility doctor told us - that we should go straight to IVF? Even if she does recommend different tests and treatments, will my insurance cover any of it?

The next day at work went by at a snail's pace. I can't say I was very productive that day. My appointment wasn't until 2:00pm and I was counting down the minutes until I could leave work. I finally arrived at my OBGYN's office a little before 2:00. I checked in and sat down in the waiting room. I looked around and realized that I was the only one in there who wasn't pregnant. As the minutes went by, more and more women entered the room and every one of them was pregnant. Every.Single.One. At first I felt feelings of jealousy and frustration. But then I had a realization:  I didn't know what any of these women went through to get pregnant. Maybe some of them conceived without any problems. Maybe some of them had struggled for years before becoming pregnant. I turned my jealousy and frustration into hope. Maybe one day I would be one of the pregnant women walking into that office.

I was finally called back for my time with the doctor. I sat in the exam room with my manila folder full of test results clutched in my sweaty hands. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I heard a knock on the door and the doctor walked in. Finally. She sat in front of me and asked lots of questions about our journey so far. After filling her in and giving her the test results that I had, including my husband's semen analysis results, she told me that it seemed most likely to her that our main problem was male factor. She recommended that my husband see a urologist to try and improve his sperm count and quality, and she gave me the name and number of a urologist that spouses of some of her other patients had seen. Then we discussed a plan for me. During my hours of research online, I had read all about diagnostic testing that can be done on women. Although the doctor suspected that my husband may be the main reason we hadn't been able to conceive, I wanted to be sure that there weren't any hidden problems on my end. I knew I had to be a self advocate and ask for what I wanted. Luckily my self advocacy was well received and my doctor gave me an "Infertility Flow Plan".

It listed the different tests she would like for me to have done throughout my next cycle. It was exactly what I had been waiting for. I wanted homework! I wanted someone to give me assignments so that I could get to work and get some answers. And that's exactly what she gave to me.
So for next month, my assignments include getting blood work done at two different times of the month, having an HSG done (which, from my understanding, is where dye is injected into the uterus and through the fallopian tubes to check the shape of the uterus and to see if there is a blockage in either tube), and having an ultrasound done to check my ovaries. I have never been so excited to have medical testing done.

I called my husband as soon as I left the doctor's office to give him a report of how the appointment went. He was excited and immediately asked for the urologist's contact information so that he could book an appointment as soon as possible. Having him on board and knowing that he wants a baby just as badly as I do has made this whole journey much more bearable.

So now I wait for my next cycle to begin. Before my appointment with my OBGYN, I felt like I was blindly trying to navigate through all of this with no direction. Even if the fertility doctor was right, that IVF is our best and possibly only option, at least I will feel like we have done all we can do and had all the possible testing done before coming to that conclusion.

And so the journey continues...